Congratulations MTV, you managed to pique my interest in your damned Video Music Awards show. I fell right in to your marketing trap for a quick-witted Brit with a sense of humor, who’s name and bio I had to Google in order to find out who he was. But cool accent and strange hairdo aside, I managed to be pretty geeked about the VMAs. After all, 2007-2008 was and still is a pretty damn good year for music, and videos are actually starting to look discernible and have concepts again. Ne-Yo is writing everyone’s hit songs, T-Pain is singing everyone’s hook like the second coming of Roger & Zapp. Lupe, Kanye, and N.E.R.D. are pretty much on top of the world (in my opinion), and Lil’ Wayne’s crackpot lines have everyone pretty much considering him to be the best rapper alive, since the best rapper retired (wow, that line is dated....Blueprint 3 coming soon, lol).
As much as I want to say that I'm disappointed in the VMAs, I can't exactly pretend as though I didn't expect last night to turn out exactly how it did. I had to re-check myself on how much I expected out of MTV. Keep it real, we are talking about a station that wouldn't touch a record from the "Black demographic" 25 years ago. I couldn't possibly bear to hammer down and itemize the total tragedies of the night, so here's my take on the two hours of my life that thank God, I didn't carve out solely to waste on VMAs. Big ups to multitasking, my night wasn't a complete L. In no particular order:
Russell Brand: Completely hilarious. I knew he would be my type of guy when during a commercial for the VMAs, he said “Outkast is coming, and Rosa Parks will be in if she can catch the bus.”… as much as it's insensitive, it's hilarious. Sometimes, you just gotta laugh. He’s an equal opportunity offender, the best kind to be (lol). His greatest line all night: “Americans, on behalf of the world, please elect Barack Obama.” Sweet.
T-
Did anyone notice how extra, UBER nice everyone was to Brittney Spears? MTV was forreal saying “Our bad for letting you make a damn fool of yourself, and for giving TMZ and Perez Hilton countless rounds of ammo for years to come.” Come on, really? I mean, I'm glad her trainwreck of a life is finally back on track, but her Betty Ford comeback is hardly worth 3 awards. "Piece of Me" was just not that great of a song, or video. Just for kicks, here it is, in case you forgot what happened at the 2007 VMAs:
Wait, I’m sorry, did the Pussycat Dolls just beat out Ne-Yo AND Chris Brown for best DANCE in a music video? Who in the hell made THAT decision, Hugh Hefner?!?! I’m sorry, but even if you combined all 5, 6, 7, (or however many of them there are) of their BEST moves, you couldn't amass enough talent to fit inside Ne-Yo’s elbow. And if you really disagree with me, I challenge you to solve this riddle: name all the other members of the group, besides Nicole Scherzinger. I'll give you a dollar if you can, seriously.
Breaking the bash-session to say something nice…well kinda nice. Rihanna has become digestible to me. For years I have written her off as a talentless, Beyonce jr. with an alien-esque forehead (like I’m one to talk, right? lol). But in recent months, she has actually managed to make me like "Take A Bow" (although my nagging suspicion that Ne-Yo wrote the song was later confirmed), and I have become a fan of her style (big ups to her stylists). Now if I can only figure out what the hell "Disturbia" is about…
TI: Pretty good performance, although I would have LOVED to see “Swagger Like Us”… The only person that wasn’t on stage that night was Jay. Side note: was he wearing his ankle bracelet?
Yeezie: "Love Lockdown" actually debuted a few weeks ago at the L.A. Coliseum at the Nike Human Race… loved it then, love it even more now. He's arrogant to a point of nausea, he's the only grown ass man I've seen throw temper tantrums, and I cant quite make out the purpose of his blog (other than to say hey I bet u can't afford this, but I can) but damnit, I love Kanye, and I cant front on it. Some people are just blessed with an extraordinary gift, and when you witness it, you just cant front on it.
Overall ranking: C+ (it could've been a B- but, you know how it is when you're right on the brink of a higher grade, and how the professor feels about you makes ALL the difference). It just escapes me how some of the greatest people in music are ALL under one roof, and are marginalized to side stage performances on the way to commercial break, or reading two lines from a teleprompter (I’m insulted on behalf of Lupe Fiasco, Matthew Santos, John Legend and others). I’m STILL trying to figure out how the same four songs managed to pop up in damn near every category: "Piece of Me" (Brittney), "Burnin' Up" (Jonas Brothers), "Damaged" (Danity Kane), and "When I Grow Up" (Pussycat Dolls). Damn those songs suck, in comparison to what's come out since last year's VMA's. No wait, they suck all on their own accord. MTV, you’re killin' me.
Oh, thats right - MTV does an awesome job of killing music. Damn, is there any hope for 2009?
Til Next Time,
-- Crown Royal On Ice --
1 comment:
Just a note about the Pussycat Dolls challenge: NO GOOGLING ALLOWED!!! Don't cheat - just admit that you don't know their names. It's okay, 98% of America doesn't either....
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