Americans are superficial idiots...according to John McCain

I never thought that I was an idiot. Nor have I thought that those Americans invested in this political contest were either, even if they are right-winged conservatives who believe that morals should be governed, people who make under 200k are in the minority, and that church and state should be one word.

Yes, even though I don't believe we should live in a churchstate, I do have faith that my politically undecided brothers and sisters aren't superficial, shallow, narrow-minded, simple-minded, fanatics who would vote for John McCain just because he selected Sarah Palin as his VP. Obviously, John McCain believes the American people are a bunch of disempowered barefoot and pregnant pro-life soccer moms who will build the McCain station wagon and drive him straight into the White House.

Here are the facts:

-Palin has served just two years as Governor of Alaska, a state that's politically and socially inconsequential unless we're having a conversation about drilling for oil and eskimos. Sorry Alaskans, but I live in L.A, so I think the world starts in New York and ends here (and that's only because they're 3 hours ahead).

-Alaska is only .2% of the population of the United States. Somehow, I'm not quite sure governing Alaska and holding office of the Vice President are quite the same (numbers wise, of course)

-Blacks only make up about 3.7% and Latinos only make up about 5.4% of Alaska. I can't really say too much about this because I know that black and brown folks aren't too much into water and cold like that sooo..moving on. (Though, if the UC system was in Alaska, we'd be all to the good ...numbers wise, of course)

- Sarah Palin is a woman. Palin is a woman with very little politcal experience. Paris Hilton is a woman. Paris Hilton was featured in a political commercial for the Republicans and in response made a PSA announcement that concluded with, "See you at the White House." Paris Hilton is clearly more ready for this job than Sarah Palin.

- Even Heidi Montag thinks she's ready for the job at this point.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Bottom line: If John McCain thinks angry and embittered Hillary supporters are going to vote for his sexist ass simply because he selected some former beauty queen pageant contestant with a son going to Iraq and a toddler with down-syndrom, then he must think Hillary supporters are just as simple and ignorant as he is. If John McCain's sexist ass (I know I've said it before, but that's what this is) thinks that Michelle Obama's presence on the Obama campaign trail wasn't enough to convey that women can be strong politically, then he's utterly trippin' (for lack of a better word). If John McCain isn't viewed as a senial old sexist fart who just handed the Dems the Presidential nomination at the end of the Republican convention, then perhaps he was right about the American public. Perhaps I'm goin' to the motherland with Crown Royale on Ice.

Come Join The Circus Where We All Wear Masks...

Viewer Discretion is Advised.

I never promised to be politically correct, or sensitive to age, race or gender. But I'm a Black woman, so that's okay, right? (LOL). I'm an equal opportunity offender, kinda like Family Guy. Feel free to disagree....

Here I was, fresh and ready to blog about Obama, and how for once in my life, I am watching the political dog and pony show with a sense of pride... But lo and behold, a greater travshamockery (travesty, sham and mockery - thanks Brandon!) is afoot. I promise, I will write about Obama later....

----------

For as long as I have been awake, I have understood that the American political process is a circus, and all the world is a stage. But never have I ever so thoroughly enjoyed a circus act, or laughed so hard at a show, as I did watching Sarah Palin's debut an opening act as John McCain's running mate.

This, my friends, is a whole new level of thirsty. I mean, come on Elephants... isn't it a little too late to try to shake up the old guard? Elections are two months away, and you are just now trying to pull this "shatter the glass ceiling" shit? Been there, done that. Her name is Hillary Clinton, and his name is Barack Obama - thanks for playing, though.

Watching her speak, I wondered... what the HELL were they thinking? I mean, besides trying to snatch a few disgruntled Hilary supporters and some folks that are scared of Black man in office. But really, how can you possibly believe that a woman who's the Governor of an ice block with a population of 12 is ready to step in as Commander in Chief when McCain croaks? (Yeah, that was insensitive, but we all know today is his 102nd birthday). As much as would absolutely digg the fact that a woman could serve as VP, this circus act has been overshadowed by the fact that she is an absolute moron with zero experience (oddly enough, McCain's primary point of attack on Obama), and the political knowledge of a tic-tac, to quote my sister.


Great highlights from Palin's performance:

• Spending the first 3 hours (exaggeration, clearly) of her speech talking about her husband. If you are so hell bent on trailblazing, why are you so asphyxiated on talking about a man?


• Spending the next 3 hours talking about her family. Come on lady, you guys live on a glacier. How fascinating can that REALLY be?


• "I never set out to be VP or Governor....I started out with the PTA". Who ADMITS to not only not being qualified, but that they're really not interested in the job? It's only your first day!


• Her son is going to Iraq. That's nice, but how many people's sons have gone to Iraq, and come back in body bags?

Palin's resume includes:

• a Bachelor's degree from the University of Idaho in Journalism. Great, so she's qualified to write about potatoes? Even I've got you beat there - my degree is at least in Political Science...and from the #25 ranked University in the Nation.


• Lifetime membership to the NRA.


• She's anti-abortion. That's funny, isn't the NRA all about aborting lives? Or at least the right to choose to abort someone's life, that is a walking, talking person, and not just a fetus?
  
• Governor of Alaska since 2006. What's this you say about drilling? Conservation my ass.
  
• A current investigation on her actions, as to whether she fired Alaska's public safety commissioner because he would not fire her brother in law, who divorced Palin's sister. And this is why people think women can't be in positions of power....

Anywho, I find it amazing that the wife of the future president of the US (Obama) is more qualified than the Republican running mate. And she has introduced herself to the world as the non-threatening, sweet as pie, small town, Rosie the Riveter. Nice try, but you couldn't get me to buy that ish on clearance at the 99 Cent Store. After watching her make an absolute fool of herself, what did I take away from this? That if McCain wins, he will be somewhere in Washington, screwing the country up even more, while Palin bakes cookies for cabinet meetings, and uses taxpayer money to buy a snowblower for the White House lawn.

Just for some extra kicks, I'll include some reactions from my friends:

• "Liberia, here I come!"
• "Ok, shes a gun toting woman... we want f*ckin' Anne Oakley?"
• "My pimp hand is itching..."
• "America is going to hell in a gasoline soaked handbasket if thee people win."
• "Ok so you have a Sarcophagus running for president, and a running mate with the political knowledge of a tic-tac...wtf?"
• "Hillary, Oprah, and Michelle [Obama] should start a 'Women of Substance' tour."
• "Michelle Obama needs to come out and fry that _____ (insert explicative here).
• "We don't give a f*ck what your grandbaby's full name is!!!!"

Okay, so I do have some friends with good sense and decorum:

"McCain's strategy doesn't seem to be in the best interest of our nation, but in the best interest of his campaign. He can't speak on the issues concerning America without mentioning President Obama's name. He's very predictable and out of touch with what this country needs. He is the trilogy to Bush, and Bush Jr....Eight is enough." Well put, Sleep!

Yeah, I have some pretty anti-PC friends too...birds of a feather flock together, right? Well anywho, we all have a pact - if the Ringling Brother and Sister win the election in November, we will resurrect Garvey's Back to Africa Movement. That's right, we're leaving. And you can feel free to join us....


Eight is Enough!!!!

-- Crown Royal On Ice --

Original Quote of the Day

Person 1: Man, most of the stuff he owns, he can attribute to me.

Person 2: He can attribute his entire sense of self and confidence to you, too.

~Anonymous

Pictured: Whitney and Bob-bay

Original Quote of the Day

"You think the grass is greener on the other side, but it's actually dead. So while you're busy jumpin' over the fence chasin' that dead grass, I'ma stay greener and fresher than a MF...beeitch!"

~Spoken by P&C W

'Ye STILL Droppin' From Graduation

Check out the video for "Good Morning"....




Til Next Time,

-- Crown Royal On Ice --

Blu Inspiration

Damn! I love me some hmm...mmm...mm... good hip-hop music!
My friend introduced me to this artist out of LA named Blu at the beginning of the summer and I just have not been able to stop listening to his inspiring lyricisms combined with his producer's, (named Exile) "hit ya in the right spot" soul fulfilling beats. Check them out! Blu & Exile just came out with an album a year from last summer called Below the Heavens and are coming up in the hip-hop and rap world.

The song that really gets me going now a days is "Cold Hearted & Young", but you should also check out "Blu Collar Workers", " Just Another Day " and.... just the whole entire dam album yall!


Blu Collar Workers

Soul Amazing


Just Another Day




So what did y'all think of that? Its always refreshing to hear music that adds some substance and inspiration to your life.

As much as I do love Blu & Exile I am still yearning for some down ass female lyricists...Holla at me if ya know some (I know they are out there)! And we can have a much needed conversation about female hip-hop artists in the industry and just what it is like to be a female hip-hop fan in general, but that is a much longer blog for later.

This is Mixed Brown Sugar keep'n ya posted on the make your soul smile its that amazing music.
Until next time...

Too Much Information?

After months of speculation and rumor Barack Obama has FINALLY announced his running mate for this November's elections, Joe Biden. Wait...WHO? For those of us who don't follow the political arena as closely as we should (CSPAN anyone?) Joe Biden is the longest serving Senator in Delaware's history (since 1973)and has a relatively strong background in Foreign Affairs. GREAT! Now those McCain stans will be even saltier.



During my googlefest on Senator Biden, though, I found a tidbit of information about his past that is probably scarier for this current generation of bloggers, Facebookers, AIMers, and MySpacers than it is his campaign team. According to everyone's most credible source, Wikipedia, Biden was forced to withdraw his name from candidacy for President of the United States in 1987 after it'd been discovered that he'd made some, ahem, academic boo boo's during his undergraduate and Law school careers.


Granted, I was born in the year 1987, but Senator Biden's withdrawl from the race to the White House has got me shook (yes, S-H-O-O-K). Even though I don't exactly plan on running for President one day, the thought that something as minute as copying and pasting a sentence or two into your 20 page essay when its 6 in the morning (not that I have. I'm just sayin...) can follow you 20 years later is disturbing. Even more disturbing is the fact that, in an age of publicly declaring our business on social networking sites and AIM, we tend to be a little less cautious about the private information we share with others.

I recently met a girl, *Jane*, who made it no secret that she dabbled in that White Girl every now and then. Not to say that anyone was going to drag her Lohan-ish butt to rehab, but I can't say that it's wise to let everyone know something so controversial about yourself- even if she thought everyone was cool with it.


Imagine this: A 30-year-old Jane applies and is chosen to interview for her dream job as Diddy's personal assistant. She's wearing her new Gucci High-Heeled Pumps , has her pristine resume in hand, and is confident. As she enters the interview room, she's greeted by Diddy's team, including her old acquaintence *Amanda.* Jane kills the interview and everyone is thoroughly impressed. In deliberations, Amanda recalls meeting Jane 10 years ago and, subsequently, Jane's affinity for dat stuff. Needless to say, Jane doesn't get the call back that she was hoping for. Even more unfortunate, she wasted a fly outfit on an interview that was essentially ruined by her admission of her extracurricular activities waaaaaaaaay back when she was 21.

This is not a PSA on the dangers of coke habits, or whatever it is you're into. It's more of a reminder to keep your business, yours. There's nothing worse than people giving you the side-eye because of information that they heard directly from the horse's mouth. So, on GP, think twice before you share too much with too many people. And to all the blazers out there, be careful who you smoke with. To all the ladies, unless you're White and rich (i.e-Kim Kardashian/ Paris Hilton/ Kate Moss) and can afford to hire a good PR agent, you may want to think twice before engaging in various activities on tape. You may want to run for President one day.

A Brief Intermission

My next blog is coming, I promise. But I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't post these two items:

The John Legend feat. Andre 3K video for "Green Light" debuted Friday... Check it out here! (JL and Andre lookin' jazzy, as usual...)



New heat.... From Hip Hop's Olympic Team:
Swagger Like Us - T.I. feat. Kanye, Jay-Z and Lil' Wayne
(Rumor has it, there's a remix in the work feat. Jeezy)




And for a quick cure to the Monday Afternoon Blues, check out this video of JoJo (or KC, who knows who's who?) passing out and being ignored on stage. Word is, he was hella drunk and high and his brother didn't give a f**k and just left him laid out for the world to see. Good stuff.



LMAO at the body guard who walks over to dude sprawled out on the floor, and picks up his mic.

Sweeeeeet.

-- Crown Royal On Ice --

WonderFall Magz... Complex & Giant

After overturning nearly every magazine section from Westwood to Inglewood, I FINALLY got my hands on the August/September issues of Complex and Giant. Whew... this could've gotten ugly reeeeallly quick, if I didn't. Big ups to the 7-11 on Palms & Overland to always having what I need.

I'm sure you're thinking, why not just visit the websites? Who actually buys shit in 2008? ME! A friend once described me as being a 'tactile' learner and person in general... Don't go to dictionary.com - its just a nice way of saying I like to touch stuff. And it's true - I buy CD's (not because I need the music - chances are I downloaded it anyway), because I like having the booklet in my hand, reading who wrote the song, who produced it, arranged it, where it was recorded, and the lyrics, if they're there. Same thing with mags. So after my exhausting hunt was over, I settled and dug into two magazines I enjoy.

Here's what I found:

Complex Magazine (Lu's edition...Sorry N.E.R.D.)

• Cover art - the shit.
• Good Laughs: The cast of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia's Guide to Bar Etiquette.
  
  • "Getting the Bartender's Attention"
    
  Charlie: Being a girl helps. Kaitlin: One or two titties. Charlie: Just get as many titties as you can. If you cant get titties on you, get the titties as close as you can.
• N.E.R.D. Nose What's Up: A pretty sweet article, big ups to individuality (and again, dope artwork!). It's funny though, how the article played out just like an N.E.R.D. album - Pharrell's vocals dominating, Chad behind the scenes 90% of the time, and we're still not sure exactly what the hell Shay does. BTW, check out the Famlay Reunion on the sidebar, for a few chuckles and some "hmmm's...."
• Lupe Fiasco's Cool World: I can't lie - I read the article and wanted more. But thats exactly how I feel after I listen to Lupe's albums and mixtapes, so I guess it's expected. The article opens and closes just how I speculate his career will - sparking thoughts, a thirst for more, and a whole lotta "what the hell did he just say???"

• Why I luv Lu: "Every life is good, man....Style is what you are, but everybody has life. And everybody's life should be good. Some of the happiest people in the world have nothing. Nothing. And they find happiness in being in the world. They wear the world with a smile. I feel bad for all the people standing in line with all that shit on and they not smiling. And somebody walks past who knows nothing about it with a smile on his face got the freshest shit on in the world."
• In all fairness, and against my better judgement, I flipped the cover over, and read the Cassie article. My time would have been better spent playing Brick Breaker on my Blackberry. Sigh....
• Through all the meaningless things she had to say, I found this to be excited about:
• Complex: What would you like to ask the Presidential candidates?
• Cassie: "How does it feel to be the first black presidential candidate?" *SMH*... Don't let your ignorance go down in ink...at least Wikipedia it first. (And for those of you who don't find this question to be problematic...scroll down and read some more.)

Overall Rating: Sweet. The collector's edition covers, art and interviews more than made up for the purposelessness of the flip side.


Giant Magazine

• Cover: Delicious... my love affair with Don Cheadle has been re-kindled.
• Good Laughs: Black Planet's ad boasting over 18 million users, the title of "the world's original social network", and Kimora Lee Simmons, Mary J. Blige, and Barack Obama among it's users. I wonder if they are counting the millions of unused profiles from back when we were in high school, that everyone has long since forgotten about, in that 18 milion....
• Michelle Williams, T-Pain, and Nina Sky shorts... about as lackluster as their raw talent and careers thus far.... (well, except T-Pain)
• Don Cheadle, Inside Man: This article oozed grown-man swag. Amazing photography and insight into what makes Mr. Cheadle so damned good. It's nice to read a background story every once in a while that doesn't start with hardship, and that some people are still genuinely humanitarian. I can't wait for his next movie, Traitor. Mr. Cheadle plays a former US Special Ops officer... but hes Black, and Muslim. I'm excited.
• Notable Quotable: "You can also say yes. But it has to say yes to you, too...It's about choice. It's the confluence of events." Take that, and apply it!
• Kerry Washington, Wanderlust: A pretty good article, considering I didn't know much about her in the first place. It's nice to see a Black woman not to be played up as a one-trick pony. I just wished they would've covered more of her work on the Obama campaign. I actually met her during an Obama rally on campus this past year, and she is incredibly beautiful, down to earth, and passionate.
• Terrell Owens, Invincible: It's nice to see a softer side of T.O.... too bad no one else does. I never knew he was an Alzheimer's research advocate. The article didn't get too deep, so I won't either.
  
• Sorry, but I felt less than compelled to read the article on Solange. So I didn't.
• I am ABSOLUTELY outraged at the music reviews.... There are three categories: buy it, burn it, and skip it. The reviewed artists anticipated albums: Nelly, Gym Class Heroes, and Raphael Saadiq. Guess who got what rating? All I'm going to say is that Mr. "Where My Party People At" got the 'buy it' rating, and Saadiq manages to snatch the 'burn it' label. WTF? You've got to be kidding me....

Overall Rating: Meh. This is one of those times I prrrrobably should've just left it on the shelf, and drooled over Don Cheadle online.

Til next time,

-- Crown Royal On Ice --

Maury is NOT my Baby-Daddy!

An angry ex once referred to me as a "highly sexualized mammy" in a 3 page Facebook message... Yeah. Really. As I sat staring at the screen, mouth agape, eyes narrowed, my mind flashed back to those many Afro-Am classes I've taken over the years that have described America's conceptualization of Black women as that very phrase. Alas, Black women are always being called out of their names, especially when perceived as a threat to the following: 1- The Black man's ego 2- The White man's ego 3- The White woman's social status (not in that particular order). Not surprisingly, Black women are reduced to a homogenized mass of eye rollin', neck poppin', bust-it-baby, highly sexualized baby's mammies.

What's most terrifying about all of this is that even our future First Lady, Princeton Undergraduate and Harvard Law Degree wielding, Michelle Obama isn't immune to these conceptions of the Black woman. If even she isn't upheld in high esteem by mainstream America, how will WE be percieved after graduating from our top-tiered universities? In the year 2008, with an increasing amount of Black women graduating from college, where are these perceptions still coming from? We should all blame Maury...and VH1.





No disrespect to actual Baby Mama's, but the damned-near fetishization of the Baby Mama by the media has become destructive to the point where I hear 11- year- old girls referring to their 11 -year- old crushes as their "baby daddies." Will someone please inform these children that bein' a baby mama/daddy is not something one should aspire to be? Sure, things happen. The sky-high incarceration rate of our Black men is alarming, and many successful Black women are opting to have children out of wedlock due to a so-called lack in successful Black men, etc, but let's not get out of hand here in allowing our daughters and sons to think that baby-mamadom is the ONLY way.

Of course, it is entertaining watching Maury's guest scream and run off stage when sex buddy number 12 is NOT the father. Somehow, though, I can't imagine that a mother explaining to her child that she doesn't know who (or where) Daddy is, is as entertaining. I also can't imagine that hearing New York's orgasmic moans for an hour or watching that nasty looking Flava Flav have sex with 14 beautiful...ahem...young ladies helps our younger generation figure out where they fit in amongst doctors, lawyers, pimps, and "highly sexualized mammies."



I don't place all of the blame on The Maury Show and VH1, though, because somewhere between the Million Man March and this November's upcoming elections, Black identity became jumbled up with Uncle Luke videos and the Cosby Show. No wonder I sometimes hear my college- educated friends referring to their significant others as baby-daddies and mama's- we get confused between what's real and false illusion when it comes to who we are as a generation. I'm also not implying that there's a simple solution, but instead of banning the N-word, I'm going to ban the phrase "baby-daddy" from my vocabulary. I am NOT anyone's baby-mama.

E-Mail Jesus, Forward to Moses, and CC Allah....

Somebody woke the musical baby...

So in my usual daily google-fest at work, I've uncovered some pretty sweet songs and videos. Obama's bid for the oval office has inspired some pretty cool or eh - interesting, shall we say, songs from APT to Will.I.Am, and everyone in between.

Here's the latest from Jeezy feat. Nas - My President is Black
(Jeez inspired the title of this blog....lol)



Best lines from the song:
"Stuntin' on Martin Luther
I feel like a King,
I guess this is what he meant,
When he said 'I have a dream'..."
- Young Jeezy

For some laughs and some "yeah, you right", my co-workers and I looked at this McCain "No You Can't" video, courtesy of www.barelypolitical.com. Its pretty funny and sad at the same time.... to think what will happen to this country if one of Bush's homies gets into office....




And of course, I couldn't resist throwing in an old favorite - Will.I.Am featuring everybody and their mama's "Yes We Can" video... clearly the inspiration for the McCain "No We Can't" you just saw. Even if you can't stand Obama, this video will give you the goosebumps.... And plus, a lil' bit of John Legend never hurt anybody ;)





Switching gears a bit....

A few songs that I can't stop listening to:
Green Light - John Legend feat. Andre 3K
Love Bomb - N.E.R.D.
Go Hard - DJ Khaled feat. Kanye West & T-Pain
Jockin' (Dope Boy Fresh) - Jay-Z
Birds and the Bees - Lupe Fiasco

Some videos (and songs) I'm really feelin':


Everyone Nose (Remix) feat. Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco & Pusha T
We got that right one, that right one!!!




Cookie Jar - Gym Class Heroes feat. The Dream
Meeting after meeting, and I'm still a cookie-holic.....



Champion - Kanye West (still droppin' from Graduation???)
Yes I did...



I'm Cheatin' - Dwele
I fell asleep with my love affair, and woke up next to my girl.... Get on it!




Sweeeeet.

--Crown Royal On Ice--

Back For The First Time?

As you've heard everywhere else, November's election and the presidential race to the pulpit are making history. There is a Black man running for president, for the first ti --... Oh shit. Wait, what? You mean to tell me this isn't the first time a Black person has run for president? When did this happen???

Black Presidential Candidates:
1972 - Shirley Chisholm (D)
1984 - Jesse Jackson (D)
1988 - Jesse Jackson (D)
Lenora Fulani (D)
1992 - Lenora Fulani (D)
1996 - Alan Keyes (R) .... yes, that R stands for Republican.... Black Republicans do exist
2000 - Alan Keyes (R)
2004 - Al Sharpton (D)
Carol Mosley Braun (D)
2008 - Alan Keyes (R)
Cynthia McKinney (Green)
Barack Obama (D)

Imagine that... Black presidential hopefuls for the past 36 years, you say? Now you can argue that Barack Obama is probably the most successful of them all, and I'd probably agree with you.

But I digress from my initial point, that I have yet to make.

I remember talking to my sister and brother-in-law a few weeks ago, about these cats in Florida who demanded to know "What about the Black Community, Obama?".


We argued around the idea that Black people are always looking for some messiah - to lead us to freedom - and in 2008, this idea that somehow Obama is going to lead Black America to the land of milk and honey, lead us to the promised land. Crime, poverty, miseducation, incarceration, and every -ism you can think of will cease to exist, when he wins in November. Get outta here. If you think Obama's got your 40 acres and a mule on his presidential platform, you must have lost your mind. What a lot of us don't realize is that Barack Obama is running for president of America, not BLACK America. I'm sorry to disappoint you. This doesn't mean don't support Obama, or that I don't support Obama, but let's just be real for a minute. He can't POSSIBLY secure a Democratic nomination, much less the presidential office relying solely on the Black vote. Black folks make up roughly 12% of the nation's population, which leave a whooooole 88% of people to outvote us. But then take from that 12%, the number of folks that are under 18 and cant vote, or that have felonies and cant vote. Hmmm, that spirals the number of votes down to some number I have yet to calculate (lol). But the point is that gunning solely for the Black vote isn't the most sound political strategy.

With that said, my fellow Americans, don't expect miracle legislation, reparations, or nationwide affirmative action.

But am I excited about the possibilities of November? Damn right.

--Crown Royal On Ice--

Welcome to LuvBomb

This blog was created because as young, educated Black women, we embrace a wide range of experience, beliefs, and life lessons. We are by no means perfect, and the stories we tell will reflect that. We could be the girl next to you in class, or the one you just walked past in the club last night. You'll never know, and we'll never tell... But do me a favor - please expect more than you would from your run-of-the-mill woman blog, because we're not run-of-the-mill women. We have brains, beauty, and are used to running shit. Our interests range from electronics to politics, bullshit to business. So keep reading - we promise you'll get something new every time ;)

Now let's get down to business.

A Lady in the Streets, A Freak in Relationships.

When it comes to the way that I work with others, I've heard it all. The general consensus is that I tend to be a tad bit...um...pushy at times. I don't call it "pushy," though, since I like to think of myself as a real-go-getter-type-chick. My mantra is "Eff the B-S and let's get to the point!" When people object to my methods, I imagine myself grabbing them by their narrow-boned shoulders and shaking them while screaming "STOP BEING SO DAMNED WEAK AND MAN UP!" Alas, this isn't always the best way to accomplish your goals in a team, so I've learned to curb my so-called "pushiness" and strengthen my apparently lacking people skills. But this isn't a blog post about teamwork- I’ts about relationships, and I'm starting to learn that the R-word encourages pushiness and even worse, our inner control freaks.

My recent break-up with my boyfriend was long, drawn out, and just plain stupid. No matter how tired we both were of the drama, the back and forth, the tears, the hot mess we were becoming as people, it took six whole months to end things. What's even stupider is that we were only in an actual relationship for four months. This brings me back to my earlier statement that relationships encourage our inner control freaks to emerge from the dark place they hibernate in during the time that we aren't forced to co-exist with others. In short, every argument, evil look, push of the ignore button on your phone when he/she calls is an effort to control that other person, even if we are unaware of this simple fact. We think "If I argue point X better than he argues point Y, he WILL see that I'm right and just apologize." Even worse, we think, "If I ignore his call, he WILL feel really really stupid and realize how wonderful I am and how terrible life would be without me in it." The problem here isn't that we think we have some sort of influence over our significant other (of course you do!), the problem is that we tend to think we're magicians and can suddenly change another's thinking with a wave of our magic mind-control wand. Uh yah...not gonna happen.

For example, I have a friend who we'll call Jane who is brown-skinned, well-educated, and beautiful. She's also wonderfully caring and sweet, and will be (or do) anything for (or to) her man. Jane's story is one that I'm sure many of us share, in that no matter how hard she tried to please her man, he still managed to find a hoodrat (yes, she was a hoodrat...actually let's go ahead and put an "s" at the end of that too) to mess around with behind her back. I know many of you are rolling your eyes thinking "here we go again with a men are dogs story," but the greater point is that there were signs that Jane's man was cheating, though she kept being the fabulous, beautiful, and caring woman that she thought he needed in his life. No, her man's cheating wasn't Jane’s fault, but she was, in fact, waving her magic mind-control wand over him over and over again thinking, "If I keep giving it to him like this, and doing this, and being that, then there's no way he'll cheat on my fabulous, beautiful, and caring self." Of course, Jane's wand wasn't all that magic and, hence, here I am telling her story like it’s my own because her man was a dog, and there was nothing she could have done to save him from his current hot- mess- of- a- life without her in it.

Of course, some of you are sitting there thinking "B-please! I know how to keep my man/woman," while snappin your necks 'cause you got this magic wand thing down. To those of you, do you remember all of those years of teachin' and preachin' your mama did wavin' her magic mind-control wand all up and through the house? To those same folks, do you remember that time you woke up *insert random place here* without your *insert article of clothing here* next to *insert random stranger here*? Where was your mama's magic mind-control wand then, and why did it suddenly lose its effect once you decided it'd be cool to wild out in college? The point is that magic isn't real and neither is the idea that there's anything we can say or do to prevent others from doing what we don't want them to say or do like, "It’s over" or "I'm cheating," etc.

Now back to me: I still believe in Eff the B-S, which still leads to my pushiness or whatever you want to call it. I've redefined "pushy," though, to mean pushing the B-S- aside, putting down my magic wand, and just letting go.