I frantically searched for clues that would explain the sudden wall he'd put between us. I checked his Facebook wall daily, looking for posts from other girls he may have recently become interested in. I'd strategically place myself in his eyeline whenever I saw him, only to be ignored. I casually texted him once or twice a week-no response.
I finally broke down on the phone one night after he'd finally returned my call and, through light tears, asked why he'd broken things off so abruptly. His response: "I don't know, that's just how I am sometimes." My response: "Oh."
Educated and attractive Black women, I believe, are especially susceptible to the I-Know-You-Want-Me-I-Have-it-All Syndrome when it comes to dating Black men. Fellas, we know how hard it is to find a Black woman that's goin' places (its even harder to find a Black man), and tend to feel as though the Black man has struck gold when he actually gets the chance to date us (at least, I do).
Not only does the I-Know-You-Want-Me-I-Have-it-All Syndrome encourage us to place ourselves on a pedestal amidst the plethora of baby-mamas, gold diggers, White girls, Asian girls, Latina girls, downlow brothas (yeah, I said it), and every other Jane (or John) Doe out there lookin' for the same successful brotha, it tends to make us-uh- trip a little when we aren't treated like the queens that we are by the brothas that are supposed to want us. Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
However, this isn't a post about the troubles associated with dating Black men (though, that would generate tons of comments) , it's about finding happiness through stepping away from the redial button and repeating the following phrase: He's just not into me like that, and that's OKAY.
Ladies, I know it's hard to believe that every Black man isn't checkin' for you, but it's a truth we will all have to accept if we're ever going to find true happiness, both with ourselves, and potential partners in the future.
True story: I once knew of a girl who sat outside of her ex-boyfriend's apartment with night vision binoculars, gawking through his window, as he entertained another female friend. Even though I'm sure none of my readers are as outwardly crazy as this chick, the fact is most of us will spend just as much energy as she did wondering what's up with that brotha who suddenly stopped calling.
Most of us will excessively psycho-analyze a guy by diggin' deep into his past of broken hearts, fatherless homes, childhood pains, medical emergencies etc, just to come up with a logical reason why he stopped calling. Once we come up with a reason that seems logical to our crazy asses (yes, crazy), what happens next?
You: "Hey,(insert name here) I just want you to know that you're clearly suffering from commitment issues as a result of your father's leaving when you were 5. I've also decided that the case of pneumonia you had when you were 13 rendered you fearful of getting too close with anyone. I'm a good woman, and you know it." Him: Click. See how you suddenly look crazy?
Bottom line is, it is essential to the survival of the Black race that we move on from brothas who simply aren't into us like that and onto the next. Let's stop trying to save the objects of our affection from the hell of not having us in their lives. Yes, I'm sure he was the best you ever had, had three degrees, and played ball on the weekends, but we've got to start learning to move on from men who simply don't want us and, more importantly, be okay with that.
Ladies, we need to cure ourselves of the I-Know-You-Want-Me-I-Have-it-All Syndrome. Yes, you do, in fact, have it all, but he may not necessarily want you. PERIOD. Furthermore, we need to stop trying to be something that we aren't just to be some guy's perfect woman. Jesus was perfect and loved everyone unconditionally and people still hated him--so let that fact be your lesson, and put down the night vision goggles, duct tape, and rope--he's just not feelin' you like that.
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